I really need to learn how to be a mother of a so-called adult. (While at times her actions don't reflect responsibility and maturity, I realize that given enough time, she will evolve into a productive member of society.)
This is an entirely new territory for me and an entirely new level of faith in my daughter. This is a new adventure in my life as a mother. Up until now, I've been the nurturer, the primary care giver, basically THE MOMMY.... well now? Hmmm??? Now, I need to let go. Turn loose. Let her grow up and I just really don't know how to do that without coming across like a nag? Ya' know? I guess I have made so many mistakes in my own life I desperately want to spare her the pain that I've been through. I can see so much more clearly now than I did at 18 and I can still remember how stupid I was at 18. Quite honestly, I don't think I was as stupid about reality as my daughter is... I am a total realist and I always have been.
As the mother, I still NEED to know what time she is going to be home because my body just will not let me go to sleep until I hear her safe and sound inside my walls. I still NEED to know that she is eating healthy meals and if she doesn't feel good, I NEED to figure out why and what to do to help her. I'm driving myself crazy, looking for a 'happy medium' that she and I can both live with?
This is really a personal challenge for me. I need to be needed, and I am the kind of mother shows my love through my actions. The little things are where my attention is placed... such as.... I make sure that their sheets/towels are washed using yummy smelling fabric softener; I try to make sure that I cook everyone's favorite dish or dessert at least once a week; I always try to fold or hang their clothes up in my 'special mom' way, but my offerings are being met with resistance. It is as if I've lost my position, so to speak? I really hope I'm not just rambling on here?
I really need to know how to let go and let GOD handle this? I already have a pretty healthy prayer relationship with God because I just can't sleep well these days and I spend many hours each night in deep conversation with him. I just don't have an easy feeling about this growing up and letting go stuff. Words of wisdom are more than welcome here!
3 comments:
(((HUGS)))
I know somewhat of what you're going through but not exactly because I'm not the "mom" even though I did practically raise him.
My mom did such a terrible job with him that by the time he was 15, to him, he was grown. He did what he wanted to do with no rules. By that time I had my own to concentrate on. It was too much pressure for me. I know he loves and respects me but no matter what I say, he still thinks he knows better. It was really hard for me to let go. It still is.
He decided not to go to school. I tried. Bubba got him a job with a roofer guy that he knows. Maybe being on a roof in the South Louisiana sun will help him reconsider??
For the most part he's a good boy but he makes a lot of dumb choices. He's caught up in this "gangsta" lifestyle. He just ain't seen the light yet.
Well ((hugs)). I have no experience with the mom side of things, but I was 18 and my had to scale back her mothering.
There where things I had to figure out myself, when I was sick and what to do about it. How to eat well with no one looking over my shoulder. OTOH, my mom was very involved. She did my laundry until I moved out at 19.
It's a learning process though and you'll figure it out. It was much easier for mom to take steps back with my younger brother...
And you know that mom and I clashed horribly and now we get along great. She's my mom, but also like a friend.
More (((hugs)))
Thanks ladies... this scaling back stuff sucks!!! It's a balancing act that I don't know how to do. There are times when Brit wants to be treated like and adult and then I try to back off, and she acts like a baby because I didn't do something for her.. it's so confusing. I'm just glad to know that this is normal -or that I'm not the only one whose experienced this!
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