Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I need to REVAMP my style of mothering....

I really need to learn how to be a mother of a so-called adult. (While at times her actions don't reflect responsibility and maturity, I realize that given enough time, she will evolve into a productive member of society.)

This is an entirely new territory for me and an entirely new level of faith in my daughter. This is a new adventure in my life as a mother. Up until now, I've been the nurturer, the primary care giver, basically THE MOMMY.... well now? Hmmm??? Now, I need to let go. Turn loose. Let her grow up and I just really don't know how to do that without coming across like a nag? Ya' know? I guess I have made so many mistakes in my own life I desperately want to spare her the pain that I've been through. I can see so much more clearly now than I did at 18 and I can still remember how stupid I was at 18. Quite honestly, I don't think I was as stupid about reality as my daughter is... I am a total realist and I always have been.

As the mother, I still NEED to know what time she is going to be home because my body just will not let me go to sleep until I hear her safe and sound inside my walls. I still NEED to know that she is eating healthy meals and if she doesn't feel good, I NEED to figure out why and what to do to help her. I'm driving myself crazy, looking for a 'happy medium' that she and I can both live with?

This is really a personal challenge for me. I need to be needed, and I am the kind of mother shows my love through my actions. The little things are where my attention is placed... such as.... I make sure that their sheets/towels are washed using yummy smelling fabric softener; I try to make sure that I cook everyone's favorite dish or dessert at least once a week; I always try to fold or hang their clothes up in my 'special mom' way, but my offerings are being met with resistance. It is as if I've lost my position, so to speak? I really hope I'm not just rambling on here?

I really need to know how to let go and let GOD handle this? I already have a pretty healthy prayer relationship with God because I just can't sleep well these days and I spend many hours each night in deep conversation with him. I just don't have an easy feeling about this growing up and letting go stuff. Words of wisdom are more than welcome here!
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