a Midlife Crisis!
No... no... I don't mean the part about running off and leaving my children....or whatever other irresponsible behavior usually goes along with a mid-life crisis. What I mean is that I understand the feeling of wanting a change in life, the feeling that I've missed something or a sense of accomplishment - not that my life is worthless - not that.... It's more of a sense of things that I really want to do with myself - things that I can finally give myself permission to do - because it's okay - I'm an adult, I'm not hurting anyone, I'm not taking food out my children's mouths... I'm just deciding that it's okay to be ME - no matter how different or how odd it may seem after being so boring and predictable for 40 years. If I feel like wearing purple Nike's with my navy Capri pants, I really can - there's no fashion police that will stop me and honestly I really don't care what anyone else thinks? It's a freeing spirit - I can if I want to, and I just might want to - who knows?
I've worked in the same boring job forever and now I would just really like run away like a mad woman and never look back, but alas - those pesky creatures that share my DNA would really rather I keep food in the pantry and electricity shooting through the plugs for their many hair dryer,straighteners, cell phone chargers, and televisions. Okay - so I can't run away from work or my children (Don't think I don't contemplate it on an hour by hour basis!), but if I decide that I want to watch the DIY channel for 8 hours on Saturday while still in my PJ's and eating fruit loops, well guess what? I CAN! I give myself permission to!
Oh, I'm sure my crazy thoughts of moving to a ranch in some remote area and living off of the land are just that - crazy thoughts - since I don't have any real viable skills that would last me longer than when the sandwich meat and bottled water runs out - BUT what I am saying is that I understand the feelings and the reasoning behind why so many people feel called to drastically change their lives and it just so happens to occur at the mid-life marker. It's an incredible sense of urgency that THINGS NEED TO CHANGE! That I can totally relate to... I just haven't figured out for myself what THINGS I want to change?
Basically, for me the THING that needs to change to get past this feeling could be something as simple as redecorating my bedroom, a new set of kitchen dishes or decluttering a hall closet? Know what I Mean? Oh Who knows... I could just be rambling because I'm stark raving mad?